How to Survive the Fortnite Outage

It will be ok, I promise...

October 14, 2019
Video game addict

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If you are a Fortnite fan, your world ended yesterday around 2pm. Literally. The map got sucked into a black hole and that's all you've been staring at for what's going on about 20 hours now (or, you're watching streamers watch a stream of a black hole. Either way, the world's gone dark and hope is lost.)

Let's ignore the fact that The Simpsons predicted this would happen:

AND this awesomeness that happened on Elon Musk's Twitter almost exactly a year ago:

These are deperate times, and you need an action plan!

Here are a few things you can do to survive your time without Fornite:

  1. Sleep - Gaming is Life, I get it, but there is no life without sleep, man. Get some. It is necessary.
     
  2. Have Sex - I'm not saying you don't, or that you can't find someone who would want to sleep with you (I'm not as assy as Elon Musk), but there are only so many hours in a day and if you have been staring at the black hole for the last 20, you are clearly not getting laid. Put the controller aside and find a willing human to interact with. Speaking of which...
     
  3. Spend time with your friends in person - Yeah, gaming is awesome and it's a great way to connect with friends when y'all can't get together. Still, it's not a full-on replacement for ACTUALLY hanging out with your friends! Go out and DO stuff together. Like, face-to-face.
     
  4. Go outside - Despite all the (necessary) panic about UV Rays, some sun is actually good for you. By contrast, sitting inside all day staring at a screen is not healthy. Sure, the light will be blinding at first, but you will adjust. Get some Vitamin D, man. It does a body good (which, you know, might help with #2, above).
     
  5. Try Yoga - Honestly, you might wanna consider other ways to de-stress and get out your aggression. I've seen how hostile Fornite can make players when the game isn't going well, and uh... yoga could help. Or meditation. Or a 12-step. SOMETHING.


If these suggestions don't help, don't worry, odds are 1/1 the game will be back by Thursday. Deep breaths...