Kevan's PSA: Fast Food Not Acceptable Halloween Costume

October 22, 2019

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I’m an open minded guy. Truly I am. Put your skepticism to the side for a moment and consider my favorite band of all time is Limp Bizkit. Like I said - open minded.

So when it comes to Halloween costumes, I’m of the ‘go nuts’ party. Underwear with some ears and you’re some how a sexy mouse. Sure. Ok! Ron Burgundy because every dude hasn’t been that since 2004. Yeah man! Do you!

Today is a landmark day though, because today I reached my limit. Limitless, I am no longer. There is in fact a line with me and Halloween garb and ladies and gents, we found it.

Feast your eyes - pun intended - on the sexy Sold Out Popeyes Chicken Sandwich outfit.

As I collect myself, let’s just review everything I hate about this situation. First - old news. Not a thing after Summer. Leave the sandwich in August with the bagel guy who was gonna fight Lenny Dykstra. Secondly, you can’t make this sexy. Again, open minded Fred Durst Stan over here telling you - the sold out Popeyes sandwich is not sexy. First off, thousand of hungry fast food patrons were denied pink goo disguised as chicken when the sandwich sold out. Not sexy. Also it’s chicken. If you’ve ever seen a piece of fried chicken and thought the word sexy, may I introduce you to a wonderful place called the insane asylum.

Stop. Just stop it. We’re all better than this. Fred Durst did not write Nookie so that our grandkids could dress up like sandwiches!