THINGS THAT NEED TO END

Because nothing should last forever.

November 20, 2018

ID 65672996 © Ezumeimages | Dreamstime.com

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Let's just get this first one out of the way.

10. Man buns.

Thing is, the "style" has been over for a while now, but some guys didn't get the memo.  Congratulations on being three years late to a horrible idea.

9. Eating/nail clipping on the subway/train.

I couldn't decide which one I hated more. The nasty cart food smell, or the vile "snap, snap, snap" of the clipper?  Take your pick.

8. Saying "adulting."

Shut up. Just shut up.

7. Adding people to random groups on Facebook.

You get a notification that says you're now part of "Captain Dave's Wrestling Network" and you've never heard of Captain Dave.  And you hate wrestling.  And you have no idea who the 48 other people in the group are.  

6. Humble bragging

"I ate sooo much at Thanksgiving and I stepped on the scale this morning and I'm still down 5 pounds this week!  Whaaaat? How does that happen?  Maybe I have worms. LOL."

5. Gym videos

Pictures are bad enough..."exhausted, but gettin' it in." (See number 6)  But we seriously don't need to watch you do a set of cable flys, and we certainly don't need to see it set to "Gonna Fly Now."

4. Sleeping selfies

"I'm soooo sleepy."  But....you're awake.  And you took the picture.  And probably more than one.  And then you filtered it and captioned it and posted it.  You can't be that sleepy.

3. Beards

Not normal beards.  Just those big, bushy, lumberjack-type beards you see on guys who aren't from Canada and can't chop wood.  You look like a vagrant, and stroking it only makes you look like a pervy vagrant.

2. Face tattoos

I'm pretty sure everyone who's ever had one is either in jail, has been in jail, or is going to jail.

And number one........

Dancing With the Stars!

I know it's an odd choice, as none of us even watch the show, but I noticed that the latest winner was....a radio guy.  Bobby Bones.  Congrats, but there's only one radio guy that's a star, and that's Howard Stern, and as much as I'd love to see him flail those gigantic limbs around that dance floor, there's no way he'd ever do the show.  This has to be the last season.  I mean, who's left?  The guy who makes the bus announcements at Port Authority?  

I guess I'm available.