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The Yearly List Of Things We Got Stuck In Our Bodies

These poor doctors...

January 14, 2020
Categories: 

I once shoved a Lucky Charm up my nose.  It smelled good.  But I had to go to the doctor to get it out, and my parents were not happy.  That's nothing compared to the strange things we got stuck in our noses, ears, butts, and.....other places, this past year.

Here's a comprehensive list from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits, and all descriptions are verbatim.

Without further ado... 

EAR

2 WIRELESS EARBUDS

JEWEL

“SISTER PUT LONG SLENDER TOY IN PATIENT'S EAR”

METAL PIECE OF SHIRT

ROCK SALT

BERRY

“PATIENT SAYS SHE HAD WAX IN EAR & ATTEMPTED TO REMOVE WITH TWEEZERS & PIECE OF STRING”

PAPER IN BOTH EARS

“PLACED THERMOMETER IN EAR, FELL ON BED”

JUICE BOX STRAW

PEARL

WOOD CHIP

MICROCHIP

DECORATIVE SEASHELL

TOOTH OF COMB

ZIP TIE

SLIME

PLASTIC SPIDER

CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT

 

NOSE

2 RARE EARTH MAGNETS

SMALL HEART STICKER

2 BUTTON BATTERIES

BATH BEAD

CHALK

“BUG, TRIED TO REMOVE WITH BOBBY PIN, BOBBY PIN NOW STUCK”

CANDY WRAPPER

GOOGLY EYE

MOTHBALL

SUNFLOWER SEED

CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT

 

THROAT

FIDGET SPINNER

CONDOM

“7 NUTS FROM THE CHRISTMAS TREE MOM AND DAD WERE TAKING DOWN”

LASER POINTER

TAPE DISPENSER

DECORATIVE ROCK

PIECE OF BED

TROPICAL BREEZE DETERGENT POD

“SWALLOWED 3 BUTTON BATTERIES LAST PM & THUMBTACK THIS AM B/C 'THEY TASTE GOOD'”

FUSE

CAPSULE THAT EXPANDS INTO A FOAM DINOSAUR

PLASTIC SWORD

“SWALLOWED STAMP INK PAD THAT HE RECEIVED AS A PRIZE AT THE DENTIST'S OFFICE”

CLEANING SOLUTION, RAZOR BLADE COVERED IN TOLIET PAPER, BROKEN PLASTIC SOAP DISH

STUFFED BIRD

“ABOUT 10” PUZZLE PIECES

“HAD NECKLACE IN MOUTH TRYING TO UNTANGLE IT & ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOWED IT”

GLASS CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHT

ICE CREAM CUP LID

DRILL BIT

HEARING AID

KEY

“SWALLOWED A THUMBTACK THAT SHE THOUGHT WAS A MINT”

CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT

 

PENIS

CRAYONS

MARKER CAP

CHOPSTICK

BALLPOINT PEN

PIECE OF TOY PLIERS

LOLLIPOP STICK

COAXIAL CABLE

WEDDING RING

MAGNETS

SCREWDRIVER

BOBBY PIN, “UNABLE TO ACHIEVE ERECTION & THOUGHT IT WOULD HELP”

 

VAGINA

TOOTHBRUSH

“A METAL AND PLASTIC CONTAINER”

TAPE

“WAS BEING ARRESTED BY THE POLICE SO SHE TOOK HER CELL PHONE AND HID IT FROM THEM - STUCK IT IN HER VAGINA”

PERFUME BOTTLE

MAKEUP SPONGE

LARGE PIECE OF UNDERWEAR

TOY ACTION FIGURE

RUBBER BALL

“JUMPED OFF COUCH LANDED ON SPOON”

 

RECTUM

“PATIENT STATES HE STATES SLIPPED IN THE SHOWER AND LANDED ON A METAL AIR FRESHENER CAN AND IT WENT INTO RECTUM”

FOLDING KNIFE

PLASTIC TOY, “ABOUT 6 INCHES LONG”

TOOTHPICK

TOOTHBRUSH

TOOTHBRUSH HOLDER

PLUNGER HANDLE

MATTRESS FOAM

TWO RAZOR BLADES

TWO SMALL VIBRATORS

TURKEY BASTER

CONDOM WRAPPER

COAT HANGER, “PATIENT UNSURE HOW IT GOT THERE”

GARDEN HOSE CAP

CIGARETTE LIGHTER

TOY HOCKEY STICK

WATER GUN

BAG OF HEROIN

COINS

EGG TIMER

SMALL SHAMPOO BOTTLE

LARGE SHAMPOO BOTTLE

LIGHT BULB

APPLE SAUCE CAN

“ACCIDENTALLY GOT A DILDO LODGED IN RECTUM & CUT THE END OF THE DILDO OFF”

“STUCK A 4 INCH BUTT PLUG UP RECTUM YESTERDAY, HANDLE BROKE. HE CONTINUED TO PUSH THE TOY IN”

“WAS USING PROSTATE MASSAGER & IT GOT 'SUCKED IN'”'

CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT