Sooooooooo Brendon Urie is on the new Taylor Swift song

and boy do I fucking hate it

April 26, 2019

Kevin Winter / Getty


You don't know me, but if you did, you'd know I stanned Taylor Swift for a while.  RED is still a banger of an album and I will not hear otherwise.  But this? This, to be frank, is shit.  

This is like if a Target commercial fucked the end credits of Trolls 2.  This is like if you broadcast Radio Disney from inside a cheap jewelry kiosk parked out front of Claires at your local indoor mall.  This is the sonic embodiment of what it feels like to be in Times Square inadvertently photobombing 1000000 tourist selfies with each one sucking another tiny part of your soul till nothing is left. This is garish, this is gaudy. Watching this video is literally giving my eyeballs cavities.  

"Spelling is FUN!" ??!?!?!!!?!? WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF A LINE IS THAT. Holy shit this song is bad people. Like almost impressively so.  I'm sure they're both at their houses printing money right now, and will be all summer, but absolutely miss me with this shit. Maybe I'm missing the point though. Maybe this is a song for 8 year olds, and in that case it's great ! But I am not an 8 year old and I am not legally responsible for any 8 year olds. So to quote Lil Wayne, "I'm Ray Charles to this bullshit". Literally the only saving grace for any of this is the 400k people (at time of posting) who had to sit through the iPhone commercial backed by an obscure Megadeth song to get to it.